Attitude is all we need to live happy lives. I have seen too many unhappy people who avoided the responsibility of finding inner peace and happiness hoping to get happiness from their spouse. This is not the way to go for success in marriage.
Your husband or wife can't really make you happy if you haven't made a decision in yourself to be happy. Our thoughts are very vital if we must attract what we really desire. You desire love and affection from your spouse? Begin first by giving it... with the confidence that she'll respond appropriately.
If your spouse seems to be the 'trouble' type, you still stand a great chance in influencing his or her character by doing the same thing: show her/his love. Even a devil has those he tends to be nice and affectionate to. You may try the following suggestions to save your marriage.
1. HAVE FAITH IN THE FUTURE. Unless there is hope in a desired future you may not be motivated enough to make the sacrifice that will keep your marriage together.
2. MAINTAIN INTEGRITY. One major factor you can use to impact your spouse to be committed to saving your marriage is your integrity. What you say must be consistent with what you do. Be honest in the smallest things and very soon you'll see your spouse responding positively.
3. WORK ON BEING, NOT DOING. The key to a long-lasting relationship is being, not doing. A miser can take a day off to give. That doesn't change the fact that he's a miser. A politician can go running; that doesn't make him an athlete. In the same vein, you need to constantly and consistently love and bear with your spouse to make any visible impact.
4. BE PATIENCE. Time is a powerful agent of change that we can apply to solving terrible problem,s in marriage. A man who is terribly offended today can become understanding next week.
It's all about determination. You can still enjoy the kind of fun you enjoyed when your marriage was just a few weeks old. Take the bull by the horn and re-invent your marriage. You will get there.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Is Marriage About time spent with each other?
Yes… let’s try to answer this question:
Is marriage about spending time with each other?
Trust me that one of the reasons you may experiencing a troubled marriage is that you and your spouse hardly spend enough time together, alone. This cannot be over-emphasized. Marriage is indeed about spending quality time with each other.
Look, couples erroneously think that they got married because they have already understood their spouse. So after they’re married they allow ‘work’ and other cares steal their time away from their spouse. The love , happiness and friendship you and your spouse shared with each other is only a fraction of the awesome measure that is available in marriage. As matter of fact, marriage is when you should enjoy and explore it more.
Marriage is indeed about spending quality time with each other to build love, happiness, friendship and intimacy. There are things you share together alone that you can’t find when you’re with your children, your other family members, or your friends. And when you don’t share those things alone, you can’t share them genuinely around other people either.
Those things are the warmth that you originally shared between each other, and the ‘spark’ in your very presence alone with each other, which before marriage, was so very tempting.
To help you spend more time together, one thing you should do is to go out together. Visit some of those places you used to go to before your marriage. It could be an eatery, a particular spot, or recreation centre. It is highly recommended that you go back to the exact love spots or hideouts you used to visit to get more of each other before you get married, if it is not so far away from home. But barring whatever distance, it is worth the effort. If works like magic!
Also, if there are games you used to enjoy playing together, prior to your marriage, include them in your weekly schedule. If there was none, become creative and find time to get cocky with your spouse. If you are the ‘serious’ type who look upon games and playfulness as ‘immature,’ please think again. These could be the key to you marital bliss.
In addition, find time to cook together even if it’s just once in a week. It could become something you both look forward to every week. And if you already have kids they could join in. One benefit of cooking together is that if gives you time to discuss issues that have to do with ‘Junior’s school bag,’ ‘Sandra’s hair,’ or a new cupboard for the bedroom! You may never discuss such things in front of a television set or anywhere else. You really come ‘home’ when you’re in the kitchen.
Another benefit of spending more time together is that it makes spouses to develop improved personal care, especially when he or she knows you’ll be watching keenly. The very idea of spending time together encourages both spouses to pay extra care to looking good and smelling fragrant.
In addition, spending time together provides a durable listening platform. Everybody wants to be listened to. Listening here involves a lot more then just hearing. When you’re listening to your spouse, attend to the information you receive from him or her, make some sense of it.
This will inevitably provide you with a basis for responding effectively to the information you just received. You may never imagine how far one good thing you say or do at that opportune time will go in making your marriage last forever.
No matter what you think you need to agree with this simple fact: Marriage is about spending time with each other
Is marriage about spending time with each other?
Trust me that one of the reasons you may experiencing a troubled marriage is that you and your spouse hardly spend enough time together, alone. This cannot be over-emphasized. Marriage is indeed about spending quality time with each other.
Look, couples erroneously think that they got married because they have already understood their spouse. So after they’re married they allow ‘work’ and other cares steal their time away from their spouse. The love , happiness and friendship you and your spouse shared with each other is only a fraction of the awesome measure that is available in marriage. As matter of fact, marriage is when you should enjoy and explore it more.
Marriage is indeed about spending quality time with each other to build love, happiness, friendship and intimacy. There are things you share together alone that you can’t find when you’re with your children, your other family members, or your friends. And when you don’t share those things alone, you can’t share them genuinely around other people either.
Those things are the warmth that you originally shared between each other, and the ‘spark’ in your very presence alone with each other, which before marriage, was so very tempting.
To help you spend more time together, one thing you should do is to go out together. Visit some of those places you used to go to before your marriage. It could be an eatery, a particular spot, or recreation centre. It is highly recommended that you go back to the exact love spots or hideouts you used to visit to get more of each other before you get married, if it is not so far away from home. But barring whatever distance, it is worth the effort. If works like magic!
Also, if there are games you used to enjoy playing together, prior to your marriage, include them in your weekly schedule. If there was none, become creative and find time to get cocky with your spouse. If you are the ‘serious’ type who look upon games and playfulness as ‘immature,’ please think again. These could be the key to you marital bliss.
In addition, find time to cook together even if it’s just once in a week. It could become something you both look forward to every week. And if you already have kids they could join in. One benefit of cooking together is that if gives you time to discuss issues that have to do with ‘Junior’s school bag,’ ‘Sandra’s hair,’ or a new cupboard for the bedroom! You may never discuss such things in front of a television set or anywhere else. You really come ‘home’ when you’re in the kitchen.
Another benefit of spending more time together is that it makes spouses to develop improved personal care, especially when he or she knows you’ll be watching keenly. The very idea of spending time together encourages both spouses to pay extra care to looking good and smelling fragrant.
In addition, spending time together provides a durable listening platform. Everybody wants to be listened to. Listening here involves a lot more then just hearing. When you’re listening to your spouse, attend to the information you receive from him or her, make some sense of it.
This will inevitably provide you with a basis for responding effectively to the information you just received. You may never imagine how far one good thing you say or do at that opportune time will go in making your marriage last forever.
No matter what you think you need to agree with this simple fact: Marriage is about spending time with each other
3 Simple Steps to Effective Communication In Marriage
Communication in marriage is the major factor that determines the direction a marriage goes. If the husband and the wife can just learn what it takes to effectively communicate with each other it becomes very easy for them to whether the storms of trying times. This article was designated to help you win by effective communication in marriage.
One of the easiest ways to save a troubled marriage through effective communication is for the couple to practice listening more to each other. Before marriage, listening was the magnet, pulling them together, or at least, pretending to be listening did that.
It is funny most married couples think they can survive without connecting through listening. Think about it… there were other men and women in the world but they decided to listen to each other - to listen to their eyes, their caring gestures, their heart, and their love.
Even people pretending to do these often succeed in wooing their object of attraction. Issues with their kids can also be solved this way too; by listening and reacting proactively to their needs. If you don’t like your lovemaking for instance, talk about it and discuss how to do it better.
Looking for satisfaction elsewhere makes you picture your ‘deficient’ spouse as inadequate, which is dangerous to the survival of your marriage. If you don’t like the food, talk about it gently, and agree on changes. If you don’t like the house, make it better together. If money is the challenge, work out ways for more prudent spending, and possibly ways to make more.
Second, practice selflessness to save your marriage. Someone once said that the true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade we do not expect to sit. Do not think that your husband or wife would always make you happy. It seldom works that way. Rather concentrate on making your spouse happy. Before you married him/her you did those types of things; so now, do them even more. When you do, you are also teaching him/her to do the same to you.
Give it some time… it always works. Avoid selfishness by thinking too much about yourself. It may be true that you have not been loved much. Still concentrate on giving more than you receive. You will find a joy you never thought possible in doing so. And don’t you go discussing your marital issues with your friends!
Third, practice discussing. This should have perhaps been my first point but if serves a better purpose here. Tell you why. One thing that makes marriages happy is that the couples are always discussing – even when they are annoyed at each other. Talking to each other is a rewarding way to save your marriage and make it better.
It’s pathetic when a spouse thinks he or she can better the marriage by first seeking his or her friends’ opinion. This is cowardice, rather than love. Love is bold, and love is powerful. Some of those people outside whose opinions you respect above your spouse’s mock you secretly when you discuss your marital problems with them. They may also have been secretly admiring your marriage, waiting for a crack in your marital wall, which you show them by going for their opinion.
Subsequently, they drag you into their own sinking ship, one you may not have known about. Don’t play the fool, husbands! Neither should you, wives!
Sometimes it may feel awkward to discuss problems in your marriage, especially if you had not been doing so previously. But how can you be perfect without practice? If you continue on the road of dialogue, it would become second nature such that you would build effective communication in marriage on this solid foundation in order to gallantly weather all storms.
One of the easiest ways to save a troubled marriage through effective communication is for the couple to practice listening more to each other. Before marriage, listening was the magnet, pulling them together, or at least, pretending to be listening did that.
It is funny most married couples think they can survive without connecting through listening. Think about it… there were other men and women in the world but they decided to listen to each other - to listen to their eyes, their caring gestures, their heart, and their love.
Even people pretending to do these often succeed in wooing their object of attraction. Issues with their kids can also be solved this way too; by listening and reacting proactively to their needs. If you don’t like your lovemaking for instance, talk about it and discuss how to do it better.
Looking for satisfaction elsewhere makes you picture your ‘deficient’ spouse as inadequate, which is dangerous to the survival of your marriage. If you don’t like the food, talk about it gently, and agree on changes. If you don’t like the house, make it better together. If money is the challenge, work out ways for more prudent spending, and possibly ways to make more.
Second, practice selflessness to save your marriage. Someone once said that the true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade we do not expect to sit. Do not think that your husband or wife would always make you happy. It seldom works that way. Rather concentrate on making your spouse happy. Before you married him/her you did those types of things; so now, do them even more. When you do, you are also teaching him/her to do the same to you.
Give it some time… it always works. Avoid selfishness by thinking too much about yourself. It may be true that you have not been loved much. Still concentrate on giving more than you receive. You will find a joy you never thought possible in doing so. And don’t you go discussing your marital issues with your friends!
Third, practice discussing. This should have perhaps been my first point but if serves a better purpose here. Tell you why. One thing that makes marriages happy is that the couples are always discussing – even when they are annoyed at each other. Talking to each other is a rewarding way to save your marriage and make it better.
It’s pathetic when a spouse thinks he or she can better the marriage by first seeking his or her friends’ opinion. This is cowardice, rather than love. Love is bold, and love is powerful. Some of those people outside whose opinions you respect above your spouse’s mock you secretly when you discuss your marital problems with them. They may also have been secretly admiring your marriage, waiting for a crack in your marital wall, which you show them by going for their opinion.
Subsequently, they drag you into their own sinking ship, one you may not have known about. Don’t play the fool, husbands! Neither should you, wives!
Sometimes it may feel awkward to discuss problems in your marriage, especially if you had not been doing so previously. But how can you be perfect without practice? If you continue on the road of dialogue, it would become second nature such that you would build effective communication in marriage on this solid foundation in order to gallantly weather all storms.
Friday, October 3, 2008
7 Powerful Ways to find a marriage counselor
If you search the web or your local area today, you will find a lot of marriage counselors out there. Unfortunately a handful of them are only out to waste your time and rip you of your money.
Therefore knowing how to find a good marriage counselor could save you disappointment, your time… and also your money.
To find the good marriage counselors… follow the suggestions below:
1. Find out how qualified the person is.
How long has he or she been counseling married couples. What sort of degrees or training did the person undergo? Is he or she accredited by regional or respectable institutions?
Face-to-face marriage counseling in most states is licensed. Make sure anyone you intend to work with is licensed in his or her state.
2. Find out if your potential marriage counselor is happily married too.
No matter how trained a swimming instructor is… he must be a good swimmer to make you one. Issues of marriage counseling are too sensitive to be left in the hands of someone who can’t understand the challenges of a marriage. Make sure your potential marriage counselor is HAPPILY married.
3. What are the religious beliefs of your potential marriage counselor?
You need to know. Do not consult an atheist marriage counselor when you are an ardent believer in God. You can only have successful marriage counseling with a marriage expert who has a common belief system with you.
4. Find out what the marriage counselor believe about marriage?
There are marriage counselors who tend to identify more reasons for divorce than keeping the marriage together. Those are not the ones you need.
You need optimistic marriage counselors who can make some good out of the worst marriages. You may want to consider a quick chat with any marriage counselor you intend to use. Look out for optimism in his or her remarks.
5. Can the person deal with depression, anxiety and sex problems?
Sometimes… root causes of marriage problems are not very obvious things. They may be less obvious like depression, anxiety, financial or sex problems. So if your marriage counselor can identify and handle such marriage issues… it will be of great help.
6. Is your potential marriage counselor referred to you by reputable medical or religious personnel?
If the marriage counselor was referred by your family doctor or pastor… you should feel safer to work with him or her.
7. Is your potential marriage counselor listed in a telephone book?
Most phonebooks contain listings for marriage counselors in your area. It is a way of finding credible marriage counselors. And the likelihood that you would pick a quack will be grossly reduced.
A good marriage counselor may not fulfill the seven requirements I listed above. But these requirements can prove to be very effective in helping you find a marriage counselor that will help your marriage. Don’t give up!
Therefore knowing how to find a good marriage counselor could save you disappointment, your time… and also your money.
To find the good marriage counselors… follow the suggestions below:
1. Find out how qualified the person is.
How long has he or she been counseling married couples. What sort of degrees or training did the person undergo? Is he or she accredited by regional or respectable institutions?
Face-to-face marriage counseling in most states is licensed. Make sure anyone you intend to work with is licensed in his or her state.
2. Find out if your potential marriage counselor is happily married too.
No matter how trained a swimming instructor is… he must be a good swimmer to make you one. Issues of marriage counseling are too sensitive to be left in the hands of someone who can’t understand the challenges of a marriage. Make sure your potential marriage counselor is HAPPILY married.
3. What are the religious beliefs of your potential marriage counselor?
You need to know. Do not consult an atheist marriage counselor when you are an ardent believer in God. You can only have successful marriage counseling with a marriage expert who has a common belief system with you.
4. Find out what the marriage counselor believe about marriage?
There are marriage counselors who tend to identify more reasons for divorce than keeping the marriage together. Those are not the ones you need.
You need optimistic marriage counselors who can make some good out of the worst marriages. You may want to consider a quick chat with any marriage counselor you intend to use. Look out for optimism in his or her remarks.
5. Can the person deal with depression, anxiety and sex problems?
Sometimes… root causes of marriage problems are not very obvious things. They may be less obvious like depression, anxiety, financial or sex problems. So if your marriage counselor can identify and handle such marriage issues… it will be of great help.
6. Is your potential marriage counselor referred to you by reputable medical or religious personnel?
If the marriage counselor was referred by your family doctor or pastor… you should feel safer to work with him or her.
7. Is your potential marriage counselor listed in a telephone book?
Most phonebooks contain listings for marriage counselors in your area. It is a way of finding credible marriage counselors. And the likelihood that you would pick a quack will be grossly reduced.
A good marriage counselor may not fulfill the seven requirements I listed above. But these requirements can prove to be very effective in helping you find a marriage counselor that will help your marriage. Don’t give up!
If you search the web or your local area today, you will find a lot of marriage counselors out there. Unfortunately a handful of them are only out to waste your time and rip you of your money.
Therefore knowing how to find a good marriage counselor could save you disappointment, your time… and also your money.
To find the good marriage counselors… follow the suggestions below:
1. Find out how qualified the person is.
How long has he or she been counseling married couples. What sort of degrees or training did the person undergo? Is he or she accredited by regional or respectable institutions?
Face-to-face marriage counseling in most states is licensed. Make sure anyone you intend to work with is licensed in his or her state.
2. Find out if your potential marriage counselor is happily married too.
No matter how trained a swimming instructor is… he must be a good swimmer to make you one. Issues of marriage counseling are too sensitive to be left in the hands of someone who can’t understand the challenges of a marriage. Make sure your potential marriage counselor is HAPPILY married.
3. What are the religious beliefs of your potential marriage counselor?
You need to know. Do not consult an atheist marriage counselor when you are an ardent believer in God. You can only have successful marriage counseling with a marriage expert who has a common belief system with you.
4. Find out what the marriage counselor believe about marriage?
There are marriage counselors who tend to identify more reasons for divorce than keeping the marriage together. Those are not the ones you need.
You need optimistic marriage counselors who can make some good out of the worst marriages. You may want to consider a quick chat with any marriage counselor you intend to use. Look out for optimism in his or her remarks.
5. Can the person deal with depression, anxiety and sex problems?
Sometimes… root causes of marriage problems are not very obvious things. They may be less obvious like depression, anxiety, financial or sex problems. So if your marriage counselor can identify and handle such marriage issues… it will be of great help.
6. Is your potential marriage counselor referred to you by reputable medical or religious personnel?
If the marriage counselor was referred by your family doctor or pastor… you should feel safer to work with him or her.
7. Is your potential marriage counselor listed in a telephone book?
Most phonebooks contain listings for marriage counselors in your area. It is a way of finding credible marriage counselors. And the likelihood that you would pick a quack will be grossly reduced.
A good marriage counselor may not fulfill the seven requirements I listed above. But these requirements can prove to be very effective in helping you find a marriage counselor that will help your marriage. Don’t give up!
Therefore knowing how to find a good marriage counselor could save you disappointment, your time… and also your money.
To find the good marriage counselors… follow the suggestions below:
1. Find out how qualified the person is.
How long has he or she been counseling married couples. What sort of degrees or training did the person undergo? Is he or she accredited by regional or respectable institutions?
Face-to-face marriage counseling in most states is licensed. Make sure anyone you intend to work with is licensed in his or her state.
2. Find out if your potential marriage counselor is happily married too.
No matter how trained a swimming instructor is… he must be a good swimmer to make you one. Issues of marriage counseling are too sensitive to be left in the hands of someone who can’t understand the challenges of a marriage. Make sure your potential marriage counselor is HAPPILY married.
3. What are the religious beliefs of your potential marriage counselor?
You need to know. Do not consult an atheist marriage counselor when you are an ardent believer in God. You can only have successful marriage counseling with a marriage expert who has a common belief system with you.
4. Find out what the marriage counselor believe about marriage?
There are marriage counselors who tend to identify more reasons for divorce than keeping the marriage together. Those are not the ones you need.
You need optimistic marriage counselors who can make some good out of the worst marriages. You may want to consider a quick chat with any marriage counselor you intend to use. Look out for optimism in his or her remarks.
5. Can the person deal with depression, anxiety and sex problems?
Sometimes… root causes of marriage problems are not very obvious things. They may be less obvious like depression, anxiety, financial or sex problems. So if your marriage counselor can identify and handle such marriage issues… it will be of great help.
6. Is your potential marriage counselor referred to you by reputable medical or religious personnel?
If the marriage counselor was referred by your family doctor or pastor… you should feel safer to work with him or her.
7. Is your potential marriage counselor listed in a telephone book?
Most phonebooks contain listings for marriage counselors in your area. It is a way of finding credible marriage counselors. And the likelihood that you would pick a quack will be grossly reduced.
A good marriage counselor may not fulfill the seven requirements I listed above. But these requirements can prove to be very effective in helping you find a marriage counselor that will help your marriage. Don’t give up!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Does Marriage Counseling Work?
How does marriage counseling work and in what ways can it be used in saving a troubled marriage? Does marriage counseling work for all marriages?
I will answer these questions in this article.
There are various levels of crisis in marriages. While some may easily be tackled by learning a few tips and applying them, others may pose more complicated and challenging.
At this stage, marriage counseling option may have to be considered.
Please… don’t miss this.
Marriage counseling does not eliminate the application of marriage saving tricks and success principles.
What marriage counseling does is to establish a connection between marriage repair tips and the peculiarity of your situation.
Knowing what to do is really good. But knowing how to do it most effectively is better.
As a person who is all out to save his or her marriage from pains of divorce… you need to be ‘business-like’ and tweak the marriage saving tips effectively to apply them for guaranteed results.
Marriage counseling can uncover some hidden issues between the husband and the wife.
For instance, terrible marriage problems may be hiding under the monsters like depression, anxiety, phobia and so on… but with a couple of sessions with a marriage counselor or therapist may just serve as an eye- opener.
Marriage counseling may also reveal to you where you need to go to get the best help that you need. The husband or wife may need to see a therapist or their pastor. The couple may need a vacation together… away from the children. Going to the right place or changing location can pose a powerful repair tool for a troubled marriage.
Marriage therapists are professionals that have been trained or have trained themselves over time to see what most married couples can never see. Therefore meeting with them can be of great benefit to the husband and wife as individuals and their relationship as a whole.
Marriage counseling can help to improve communication skills in marriage. 90% of marriage problems have their root traceable to bad communication.
One Marriage was almost torn apart over arguments on what part of the toothpaste tube should be squeezed. Imagine that!
But with marriage counseling, couples can be advised on the best ways to communicate to reach compromises that put the interest of the marriage above individual interests.
Does Marriage Counseling Work for all marriages?
My answer is Yes and No.
Yes… because good marriage counselors are balanced in their thinking. They are never after who is right or wrong. They have one simple goal which is… how to make a marriage work and restore happiness. They can even help to make good marriages even better.
Marriage counseling can be of tremendous help…but that is when the husband and wife are sincere and open to change. By accepting the suggestions given by marriage counselors you are sure to save the relationship and restore happiness to the home.
I will say No… because some married couples have already made up their mind about a divorce. They will only go through marriage counseling sessions just for the sake of ‘pleasing’ a family friend or relative… but in their mind they’ve resolved that it’s over between them.
In that case… the best counselor in the world can barely do anything to help them.
If you have read this far… it is because you are really interested in saving your marriage or making it better. If you have tried on your own and it seems like you need some external help, I would advise that you consider talking to a good marriage counselor that can effectively help your marriage.
There are a few suggestions I’ll be giving in my next post on how to find a good marriage counselor. Just remember that marriage counseling works when you locate the right marriage counselor. So… watch out.
I will answer these questions in this article.
There are various levels of crisis in marriages. While some may easily be tackled by learning a few tips and applying them, others may pose more complicated and challenging.
At this stage, marriage counseling option may have to be considered.
Please… don’t miss this.
Marriage counseling does not eliminate the application of marriage saving tricks and success principles.
What marriage counseling does is to establish a connection between marriage repair tips and the peculiarity of your situation.
Knowing what to do is really good. But knowing how to do it most effectively is better.
As a person who is all out to save his or her marriage from pains of divorce… you need to be ‘business-like’ and tweak the marriage saving tips effectively to apply them for guaranteed results.
Marriage counseling can uncover some hidden issues between the husband and the wife.
For instance, terrible marriage problems may be hiding under the monsters like depression, anxiety, phobia and so on… but with a couple of sessions with a marriage counselor or therapist may just serve as an eye- opener.
Marriage counseling may also reveal to you where you need to go to get the best help that you need. The husband or wife may need to see a therapist or their pastor. The couple may need a vacation together… away from the children. Going to the right place or changing location can pose a powerful repair tool for a troubled marriage.
Marriage therapists are professionals that have been trained or have trained themselves over time to see what most married couples can never see. Therefore meeting with them can be of great benefit to the husband and wife as individuals and their relationship as a whole.
Marriage counseling can help to improve communication skills in marriage. 90% of marriage problems have their root traceable to bad communication.
One Marriage was almost torn apart over arguments on what part of the toothpaste tube should be squeezed. Imagine that!
But with marriage counseling, couples can be advised on the best ways to communicate to reach compromises that put the interest of the marriage above individual interests.
Does Marriage Counseling Work for all marriages?
My answer is Yes and No.
Yes… because good marriage counselors are balanced in their thinking. They are never after who is right or wrong. They have one simple goal which is… how to make a marriage work and restore happiness. They can even help to make good marriages even better.
Marriage counseling can be of tremendous help…but that is when the husband and wife are sincere and open to change. By accepting the suggestions given by marriage counselors you are sure to save the relationship and restore happiness to the home.
I will say No… because some married couples have already made up their mind about a divorce. They will only go through marriage counseling sessions just for the sake of ‘pleasing’ a family friend or relative… but in their mind they’ve resolved that it’s over between them.
In that case… the best counselor in the world can barely do anything to help them.
If you have read this far… it is because you are really interested in saving your marriage or making it better. If you have tried on your own and it seems like you need some external help, I would advise that you consider talking to a good marriage counselor that can effectively help your marriage.
There are a few suggestions I’ll be giving in my next post on how to find a good marriage counselor. Just remember that marriage counseling works when you locate the right marriage counselor. So… watch out.
Monday, September 29, 2008
7 Signals of Marriage Infidelity in Men
What are the reasons for marriage infidelity in men? Why would your man cheat on you?
After all, he swore an oath of faithfulness to you on your wedding day… and in front of many witnesses!
Whether the reasons are justified or not… is not important. What’s really important here is the knowledge of those reasons and stopping them.
Man’s desire for love and sex is so strong that if he doesn’t have strong moral principles… he will do just anything to satisfy his sexual urge.
Do not take this for granted because even when he may be wrong… it is you whose heart could be broken.
When you have a good understanding of these reasons you’ll be able to prevent infidelity problems and keep untold pains away.
Now let’s start with the first:
1. Beware of marriage infidelity if he doesn’t feel intimacy at home anymore.
When a man feels he can’t get close enough to his wife at home… this may be a big sign of danger.
For instance… if you begin to pull away to sleep in a separate bedroom from your husband even if you live in a 50-room mansion, you may just be calling for an extramarital affair.
If you have to isolate yourself for reasons such as personal, career or spiritual development… make sure you discuss it with him and let him see reasons with you and consent to it. Men want to maintain an unbroken intimacy with their wives.
2. Beware of marriage infidelity if he feels you are cheating on him.
Anything that makes your man believe you are cheating on him may lead him to nurture revenge.
Like a strange man dropping you from work… or a call you receive from a stranger that you can’t clearly explain.
The bottom line here is being open… and don’t take anything for granted. A male colleague comes visiting for the first time and you stay hours giggling aloud at each other when you haven’t introduced him to your husband is way too risky.
Your husband may have been quiet about it but may be seriously offended. It’s your duty to walk up to him and make him understand the truth.
3. Beware of marriage infidelity if he wants to enjoy the excitement of having another affair.
Most men without very strong values look for sexual excitement after a few months or years of marriage.
But you can reduce the risk of infidelity in your relationship by being creative. First, don’t allow yourself to be boring in bed. You may not need much of sex but I bet your husband does.
Second, educate yourself. Michael Webb is an authority in this area. His book, 500 lovemaking tips and secrets has been generating amazing testimonies worldwide. I am sure it will keep your man glued to you like a spell even when you are in your 50’s.
4. Beware of marriage infidelity if he wants to boost an Ego that is hurt.
Never ever accuse your husband of not being good enough in bed. Don’t even create any impression close to it.
If you feel you desire much more sexual satisfaction than you are getting right now, I‘ll tell you what to do. Practice the insights you’ve learnt from Michael Webb’s 500 lovemaking tips and secrets with him.
Then encourage him to improve. But be careful to do it diplomatically. Allow him to improve at his own space. You are in it for a lifetime and a few months you wait to let him understand your sexual needs enough to meet them can be greatly rewarding.
5. Beware of marriage infidelity if he feels he doesn’t love you anymore.
Beware when it seems like your husband doesn’t love you anymore. The best way to solve this problem is to find ways to rekindle love in your marriage.
If you haven’t read my post on rekindling love in marriage please do. It’s not just about reading it. It’s about practicing.
You will need to lay aside any form of pride or ego to get maximum results. Every fading love can be rekindled. It all depends on the partners involved.
6. Beware of marriage infidelity if he feels you are looking old and unattractive.
I would suggest that you watch the dresses you wear. They may make you look older than you really are. Whether you are going on an outing or just chilling out with him in the orchard… always appear sexy and smart.
If you are above 45 you can still be attractive. There are anti-aging exercises you can consider. The bottom line is taking good care of yourself and you’ll keep looking great… no matter how old you are.
7. Beware of marriage infidelity if he begins to enjoy his favorite activities with someone else.
Like I said earlier, there’s some work involved if you really want to keep your man. You’ve got to find a way to make him spend more time with you.
Most men who cheat have very pretty wives at home. Yet they end up in the arms of less attractive women who are willing to share their passion.
For instance, you keep refusing to accompany him for his weekend golf games. You don’t even join him on Friday night to watch his favorite TV game show. Little things like this can keep his focus on you while he’s still enjoying his passion!
Marriage infidelity can be prevented. Don’t wait for the pains of unfaithfulness and extramarital affairs to lead your marriage in the direction of divorce or loneliness.
Always remember you can stop marriage infidelity if you monitor every stage of your husband’s feelings.
After all, he swore an oath of faithfulness to you on your wedding day… and in front of many witnesses!
Whether the reasons are justified or not… is not important. What’s really important here is the knowledge of those reasons and stopping them.
Man’s desire for love and sex is so strong that if he doesn’t have strong moral principles… he will do just anything to satisfy his sexual urge.
Do not take this for granted because even when he may be wrong… it is you whose heart could be broken.
When you have a good understanding of these reasons you’ll be able to prevent infidelity problems and keep untold pains away.
Now let’s start with the first:
1. Beware of marriage infidelity if he doesn’t feel intimacy at home anymore.
When a man feels he can’t get close enough to his wife at home… this may be a big sign of danger.
For instance… if you begin to pull away to sleep in a separate bedroom from your husband even if you live in a 50-room mansion, you may just be calling for an extramarital affair.
If you have to isolate yourself for reasons such as personal, career or spiritual development… make sure you discuss it with him and let him see reasons with you and consent to it. Men want to maintain an unbroken intimacy with their wives.
2. Beware of marriage infidelity if he feels you are cheating on him.
Anything that makes your man believe you are cheating on him may lead him to nurture revenge.
Like a strange man dropping you from work… or a call you receive from a stranger that you can’t clearly explain.
The bottom line here is being open… and don’t take anything for granted. A male colleague comes visiting for the first time and you stay hours giggling aloud at each other when you haven’t introduced him to your husband is way too risky.
Your husband may have been quiet about it but may be seriously offended. It’s your duty to walk up to him and make him understand the truth.
3. Beware of marriage infidelity if he wants to enjoy the excitement of having another affair.
Most men without very strong values look for sexual excitement after a few months or years of marriage.
But you can reduce the risk of infidelity in your relationship by being creative. First, don’t allow yourself to be boring in bed. You may not need much of sex but I bet your husband does.
Second, educate yourself. Michael Webb is an authority in this area. His book, 500 lovemaking tips and secrets has been generating amazing testimonies worldwide. I am sure it will keep your man glued to you like a spell even when you are in your 50’s.
4. Beware of marriage infidelity if he wants to boost an Ego that is hurt.
Never ever accuse your husband of not being good enough in bed. Don’t even create any impression close to it.
If you feel you desire much more sexual satisfaction than you are getting right now, I‘ll tell you what to do. Practice the insights you’ve learnt from Michael Webb’s 500 lovemaking tips and secrets with him.
Then encourage him to improve. But be careful to do it diplomatically. Allow him to improve at his own space. You are in it for a lifetime and a few months you wait to let him understand your sexual needs enough to meet them can be greatly rewarding.
5. Beware of marriage infidelity if he feels he doesn’t love you anymore.
Beware when it seems like your husband doesn’t love you anymore. The best way to solve this problem is to find ways to rekindle love in your marriage.
If you haven’t read my post on rekindling love in marriage please do. It’s not just about reading it. It’s about practicing.
You will need to lay aside any form of pride or ego to get maximum results. Every fading love can be rekindled. It all depends on the partners involved.
6. Beware of marriage infidelity if he feels you are looking old and unattractive.
I would suggest that you watch the dresses you wear. They may make you look older than you really are. Whether you are going on an outing or just chilling out with him in the orchard… always appear sexy and smart.
If you are above 45 you can still be attractive. There are anti-aging exercises you can consider. The bottom line is taking good care of yourself and you’ll keep looking great… no matter how old you are.
7. Beware of marriage infidelity if he begins to enjoy his favorite activities with someone else.
Like I said earlier, there’s some work involved if you really want to keep your man. You’ve got to find a way to make him spend more time with you.
Most men who cheat have very pretty wives at home. Yet they end up in the arms of less attractive women who are willing to share their passion.
For instance, you keep refusing to accompany him for his weekend golf games. You don’t even join him on Friday night to watch his favorite TV game show. Little things like this can keep his focus on you while he’s still enjoying his passion!
Marriage infidelity can be prevented. Don’t wait for the pains of unfaithfulness and extramarital affairs to lead your marriage in the direction of divorce or loneliness.
Always remember you can stop marriage infidelity if you monitor every stage of your husband’s feelings.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Four Ways to Rekindle Love in Marriage
Are you looking for the best ways to rekindle your love in marriage? Then you’ll need this article. One of the greatest ways to avoid divorce is to identify ways to rekindle love in marriage.
Is your spouse turning to a stranger under the same roof with you? Or maybe a painful separation is on the way and you don’t know what to do to save your marriage… The tips below will be of great help to you.
1. Remember the good times you once had together.
Believe me… this works. Can you reminisce on the fun you shared together? Can you remember those good old days when you could barely do anything else but relish the best qualities of each other? Make a list of such events and find a way to replay those love experiences to your spouse.
2. Analyze why and how you lost enthusiasm for your spouse.
Suppose you discovered that it all started when you had children. It could be that your attention for the children has been overblown by you. You will need to take a break to re-plan your schedule and spend more time with your spouse.
Even if your spouse that is guilty (or you feel that way), you have a duty of talking it over with him or her. The same goes for other issues like money, sex, bad communication and so on.
3. Replay the things that worked in the past.
There are things that work for your marriage in the past leverage on them to get love back in your marriage.
Human behavior is quite predictable. Every action has a likely reaction. If you can locate how you got your spouse crazy for you in the past then you are sure to do it again.
4. Throw A Big Surprise.
Can you try something new… or a little bit weird? Something like sending ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you’ cards to your spouse in the office? Or dropping by at the office with a bunch of flowers can work wonders. Just be sure it’s not something he or she is used to.
Let me give you a tip that will open up your brain for ideas: What nice action will you take that will make your spouse shout… ‘I can’t believe this!’? Figure them out. Then swallow your pride and… act on them.
These four ways to rekindle love in marriage will do you a lot of good if you take your time to apply them in your relationship.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
The Best Help for Your troubled Marriage
If there was one single factor that would most effectively help your troubled marriage, what would it be?
That is what I’m going to tell you in this article.
Many couples living through a troubled marriage are desperately searching for a ‘list of what to do’ to make their marriage work.
This is because they haven’t learnt that marriage is not a science where you can completely eliminate a marriage problem with a few sets of do’s and don’ts. A failing marriage requires responsibility.
I am not saying that there are no tricks, suggestions or secrets that could help a troubled marriage. I’m only saying that you need to understand the fact that every marriage problem has unique circumstances that leave only the parties involved the best discretion required to handle it.
There are quite a lot of rules of dos and don’t but they are all subject to this all-important virtue that weather the toughest storms in bad marriages.
Now what is this virtue I’m talking about?
It is PATIENCE.
Without patience a good fate in marriage can be turned to a bad one.
Without patience a challenge that was meant to create a greater bonding in marriage can lead to a painful divorce.
Without patience, you will react negatively to a misconception about your spouse’s action which could subsequently destroy the trust and affection in that relationship.
Every outstanding marriage life requires a process of time to build. No matter whom you are or how compactable you feel you are to your newly wedded spouse, there is so much uncertainty in the air as you begin the real journey of marriage.
The only factor that keeps both of you going is the virtue of patience. Without it, marriage problems that could have been resolved with good marriage communication become reasons for bitter arguments and strife.
You will also find the virtue of patience priceless in maintaining the confidentiality of your family matters. A lot of spouses have said unimaginable things about their partners… only to discover that they were wrong.
There’s no excuse for misconceptions in family and marriage matters especially when you didn’t take enough time to find out the truth.
The unfortunate thing is that it is not as easy to build a marriage reputation you once destroyed.
A troubled marriage requires patience.
Before you think of looking for external help for fixing your marriage problems, make sure you have attempted at least two of these suggestions:
• Review the troubled marriage with your Spouse
• Give some time- may be four to six weeks and allow time to heal or reduce the problem.
• Look inwards and search for a way you can change or adjust yourself and your expectations to reduce the impact of the relationship problem.
Most times, you will discover that a love marriage problem that seems so troubling at the moment can become an educative history tomorrow.
Most after marriage problems could be avoided if we ‘act’ with patience especially when we feel like ‘reacting’. Situations almost always take shape that is more ‘handle-able’ when given some time.
And of course, time requires a lot of patience.
Therefore take responsibility today and apply patience to help your marriage and family. That’s probably the best way to help your troubled marriage!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Five Decisions That Can Fix Relationship Problems Fast
Love relationship problems are mostly experienced between spouses who believe that marriage will cover for their weaknesses, loneliness, immaturity and ideal romance dreams. On the contrary, marriage is where you continuously grow to give the best of you in order to get the best your spouse.
It takes a lot of newlyweds a few painful months to realize that relationship problems in marriage are inevitable… and that they require a constant willingness to learn and grow to keep them away.
I gave five decision-making questions in my previous post titled, Marriage requirements for total happiness Part 1. Please read it… because this post is actually a continuation of that one.
Character decisions are hard to make… I must confess… but once made… produce massive rewards of love, happiness and peace in marriage.
Marriage partners who are facing relationship crisis… can drastically reduce relationship problems to a barest minimum by committing themselves to the following all-important decisions.
Decision 1:
I will keep our Connection unbroken
The way to keep fueling the fire of love in a relationship is to make a firm decision to be regularly connected with your spouse.
Before marriage you always wanted to know where your spouse is, how he or she is fairing, whether or not he or she is OK.
But now, almost everything except your spouse gets you attention. Your job, your kids, your career, your home location, and the domestic bills- they all seem to matter more than the most important person in your life.
This eventually leads you to boredom and emotional isolation from your spouse.
The problem is simple… lack of connection with your spouse. Every successful marriage relationship requires a time of sharing and listening.
I suggest that you make a decision to connect. Take time to understand your spouse’s daily moods, needs and desires. Constant and deliberate longing for intimacy will keep you adequately bonded to with spouse. This is a worthwhile decision to make.
Decision 2:
I will make excuses for my spouse’s actions
This decision has nothing to do with encouraging infidelity or dishonesty in the home. It only means you are making a decision not to pre-judge your spouse’s actions.
Elena once accused Peter, her husband of not being caring because he didn’t attend their first son’s high school soccer game. Peter felt hurt because his wife just couldn’t foresee a genuine reason on his part.
Eventually during a counseling session, Peter revealed how his car broke down on the way to the soccer game. He recounted how hard he tried to meet up but couldn’t. ‘Maybe I should have known that’, Elena muttered.
Sometimes, you need to make excuses to keep your emotions under check until you find out why something happened. Many times, we analyze our spouse’s actions prematurely judging him or her guilty before knowing the details.
Making a decision not to be too much in a hurry to judge actions will save your marriage from troubles come with relationship problems.
Decision 3
I will trust you and be responsible
When you feel you are the only one giving to the relationship and your spouse is not, you may be tempted to slow down on your commitments because of feelings of being cheated and disappointed.
But this is not the best way to build the trust and responsibility your marriage needs to survive. It’s your love… based on high trust that should motivate your actions… not duty.
See your marriage like a team of two… playing together to win. It doesn’t matter who is scores the point… as long as the team is winning. And of course in every healthy team each player trusts the other one to do what is best for the team. A defender can take the position of the attacker and vise versa.
… It all boils down to ultimately winning the game.
Marriage works the same way. Learn to trust your spouse to do what is best for the love relationship. If you are currently carrying more of the load, reckon that your spouse would learn from you and do the same at some point in your marriage future.
This way you live with your mind free and fulfilled… and also influencing your spouse with the act of responsibility… and for the overall health of your love relationship.
Decision 4
I will be honest about myself.
You’d be amazed at how hard we strive sometimes to be who we are not. Acts of pretence, little lies, half-truths and all other defensive tactics are all forms of dishonesty… that will create a falsified perfectionist image of our true selves.
The misconception is that partners feel they will be loved more… trusted more… or even respected more if they cover up for their inadequacies. But unfortunately dishonesty in marriage doesn’t possess any real benefit. It kills an healthy relationship faster than you can imagine.
Make a decision to be true to yourself and your spouse all the time. Get comfortable with your true self… and let it show in your love relationship with your spouse.
You stand a chance of being loved more by saying an occasional “I’m sorry” than making articulate excuses that cleverly defend your actions.
Decision 5
I will be the Change that I seek.
Are you seeing your spouse as the problem in your relationship? May be you will be better off taking by taking an inward look.
Your marriage would be fair better if you understand the law of cause and effect. Every marriage problem needs your action approval to build.
The greatest weapon to change others is living by example. If your husband is not caring enough, maybe you should reassess how caring you are yourself. Maybe you should saturate him with some care until if becomes almost impossible to reciprocate.
For whatever character you expect from your spouse, make sure you are giving it in yourself. Just like life, marriage is like an echo- you always get back as much as you give.
Therefore seeking solutions for your relationship problems may sound a little bit of work but the rewards are guaranteed. Your marriage relationship must be nurtured to maturity by making the above character-building decisions.
Therefore remain committed to keeping relationship problems away from your marriage.
It takes a lot of newlyweds a few painful months to realize that relationship problems in marriage are inevitable… and that they require a constant willingness to learn and grow to keep them away.
I gave five decision-making questions in my previous post titled, Marriage requirements for total happiness Part 1. Please read it… because this post is actually a continuation of that one.
Character decisions are hard to make… I must confess… but once made… produce massive rewards of love, happiness and peace in marriage.
Marriage partners who are facing relationship crisis… can drastically reduce relationship problems to a barest minimum by committing themselves to the following all-important decisions.
Decision 1:
I will keep our Connection unbroken
The way to keep fueling the fire of love in a relationship is to make a firm decision to be regularly connected with your spouse.
Before marriage you always wanted to know where your spouse is, how he or she is fairing, whether or not he or she is OK.
But now, almost everything except your spouse gets you attention. Your job, your kids, your career, your home location, and the domestic bills- they all seem to matter more than the most important person in your life.
This eventually leads you to boredom and emotional isolation from your spouse.
The problem is simple… lack of connection with your spouse. Every successful marriage relationship requires a time of sharing and listening.
I suggest that you make a decision to connect. Take time to understand your spouse’s daily moods, needs and desires. Constant and deliberate longing for intimacy will keep you adequately bonded to with spouse. This is a worthwhile decision to make.
Decision 2:
I will make excuses for my spouse’s actions
This decision has nothing to do with encouraging infidelity or dishonesty in the home. It only means you are making a decision not to pre-judge your spouse’s actions.
Elena once accused Peter, her husband of not being caring because he didn’t attend their first son’s high school soccer game. Peter felt hurt because his wife just couldn’t foresee a genuine reason on his part.
Eventually during a counseling session, Peter revealed how his car broke down on the way to the soccer game. He recounted how hard he tried to meet up but couldn’t. ‘Maybe I should have known that’, Elena muttered.
Sometimes, you need to make excuses to keep your emotions under check until you find out why something happened. Many times, we analyze our spouse’s actions prematurely judging him or her guilty before knowing the details.
Making a decision not to be too much in a hurry to judge actions will save your marriage from troubles come with relationship problems.
Decision 3
I will trust you and be responsible
When you feel you are the only one giving to the relationship and your spouse is not, you may be tempted to slow down on your commitments because of feelings of being cheated and disappointed.
But this is not the best way to build the trust and responsibility your marriage needs to survive. It’s your love… based on high trust that should motivate your actions… not duty.
See your marriage like a team of two… playing together to win. It doesn’t matter who is scores the point… as long as the team is winning. And of course in every healthy team each player trusts the other one to do what is best for the team. A defender can take the position of the attacker and vise versa.
… It all boils down to ultimately winning the game.
Marriage works the same way. Learn to trust your spouse to do what is best for the love relationship. If you are currently carrying more of the load, reckon that your spouse would learn from you and do the same at some point in your marriage future.
This way you live with your mind free and fulfilled… and also influencing your spouse with the act of responsibility… and for the overall health of your love relationship.
Decision 4
I will be honest about myself.
You’d be amazed at how hard we strive sometimes to be who we are not. Acts of pretence, little lies, half-truths and all other defensive tactics are all forms of dishonesty… that will create a falsified perfectionist image of our true selves.
The misconception is that partners feel they will be loved more… trusted more… or even respected more if they cover up for their inadequacies. But unfortunately dishonesty in marriage doesn’t possess any real benefit. It kills an healthy relationship faster than you can imagine.
Make a decision to be true to yourself and your spouse all the time. Get comfortable with your true self… and let it show in your love relationship with your spouse.
You stand a chance of being loved more by saying an occasional “I’m sorry” than making articulate excuses that cleverly defend your actions.
Decision 5
I will be the Change that I seek.
Are you seeing your spouse as the problem in your relationship? May be you will be better off taking by taking an inward look.
Your marriage would be fair better if you understand the law of cause and effect. Every marriage problem needs your action approval to build.
The greatest weapon to change others is living by example. If your husband is not caring enough, maybe you should reassess how caring you are yourself. Maybe you should saturate him with some care until if becomes almost impossible to reciprocate.
For whatever character you expect from your spouse, make sure you are giving it in yourself. Just like life, marriage is like an echo- you always get back as much as you give.
Therefore seeking solutions for your relationship problems may sound a little bit of work but the rewards are guaranteed. Your marriage relationship must be nurtured to maturity by making the above character-building decisions.
Therefore remain committed to keeping relationship problems away from your marriage.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Marriage Requirements for Total Happiness-Part 1
Just like the pilot dictates the direction of the plane, there are marriage requirements your marriage would demand of you, to provoke true love, trust, openness, and happiness in your love relationship. Fulfill these basic marriage requirements for love and you’ll eliminate crisis in your marriage.
These marriage requirements should dictate every step and action you take in your home. Even if it currently seems that you are the only one who’s interested in saving the marriage, your deliberate but genuine acts love and affection powerful enough work wonders.
They will capture the attention of your spouse and save your marriage.
Understanding these requirements eliminate the need for selfish marriage ‘laws’ and obligations. They are not stereotyped to demand expectations of perfect qualities in your spouse.
They are marriage spices that put the happiness of both you and your spouse ahead of individual desires.
I know you are interested in knowing these requirements… so let’s go straight to them. I will place them in form of questions because your reflection on them is what builds the right character in you.
1. Am I ready to be Flexible?
Marriage is full of uncertainties and surprises. These uncertainties are not determined by how ‘perfect’ you or your spouse seems to be. Not even compatibility or religious belief will stop uncertainties.
It’s like a 100 miles trip by road across the country…
You have a destination you are prepared to reach. Yet you may have to stop to remove obstacles on your path. You may even have to take a bypass to avoid obstructions due to collapsed trucks. It may just be the vehicle that needs a check up. But what ever it is…
But the journey continues!
That is exactly how you have to treat your marriage. So many resolvable family problems have led to divorce because no one had a decision to be flexible and expect the unexpected.
Every time there is a love-threatening issue in your marriage, do not react... just respond based on what is best for your relationship. You will look back and be happy if you handle your marriage problems this way.
2. Am I willing to forbid a Possible Marriage Exit?
The success of your marriage requires a mentality of I-have-no-option-but-to-make-this-marriage-work.
You may have dreamt of a perfect marriage with a perfect spouse ... a marriage with no pains… only happiness, comfort, trust, care, frequent love picnics, going surfing every Saturday morning together and so on.
While it is possible to experience most of these in your marriage, it will be ridiculous to think that they will happen all the time. Every marriage has its not-too-good times.
When such times come, the only reinforcement to happiness is your character- built decision to stay it through.
3. Am I willing To Forgive Always?
One of the easiest ways to keep trouble away from your marriage is a strong decision to forgive. This is a very difficult thing to do especially if you have special rules and expectations.
But let me ask you? Which one do you prefer- an unsettled life of scolding your spouse for breaking your rules? …or a fun-filled life of overlooking mistakes… knowing that your spouse is only human?
When you understand that you don’t need a perfect spouse to enjoy an outstanding love marriage life, you will find it easier to forgive your spouse –even before the mistake arises. Believe me… your spouse will love and respect you even more and will learn to do the same.
4. Am I ready to make our love relationship a priority?
You can easily improve the quality of your love life when you set your relationship as a major priority. Yes… you have kids you love. But the well being and future of your kids are a function of your healthy marriage relationship with your spouse.
Your time… your talent… your ambitions… they will only be maximized if your love relationship with your spouse is in great condition. You need to nurture your marriage like a baby.
The good news is that it’s never too late to make marriage amendments. As long as you are willing you can provoke the willingness of your spouse and settle down to make it work.
What you can help each other to achieve in a healthy love marriage relationship can never be achieved in a loveless marriage.
5. Am I willing to be Open to My Spouse?
Openness is a marriage requirement that must be met to keep relationship problems away. Your spouse will always need to understand you to maintain trust and confidence in you.
Even if you make a mistake or do something that annoys your spouse, your openness will compel him to communicate his or her feelings to you rather than allowing it to affect the love and intimacy both of you share.
Lack of marriage communication is one major cause of bad marriages and it can simply be avoided when both partners share their feelings freely, no matter who hurts who.
You will most certainly get what you give in your relationship. So give openness to your spouse and you will receive much more from him or her. Marriage doesn’t change who we are but only reveals who we are.
The powerful tool for change is decision and making a decision to be open to your spouse will not only guarantee a healthy marriage but also a happy and productive life.
My fingers are beginning to itch. I will post a part II containing the other love marriage requirements tomorrow. Cheers.
These marriage requirements should dictate every step and action you take in your home. Even if it currently seems that you are the only one who’s interested in saving the marriage, your deliberate but genuine acts love and affection powerful enough work wonders.
They will capture the attention of your spouse and save your marriage.
Understanding these requirements eliminate the need for selfish marriage ‘laws’ and obligations. They are not stereotyped to demand expectations of perfect qualities in your spouse.
They are marriage spices that put the happiness of both you and your spouse ahead of individual desires.
I know you are interested in knowing these requirements… so let’s go straight to them. I will place them in form of questions because your reflection on them is what builds the right character in you.
1. Am I ready to be Flexible?
Marriage is full of uncertainties and surprises. These uncertainties are not determined by how ‘perfect’ you or your spouse seems to be. Not even compatibility or religious belief will stop uncertainties.
It’s like a 100 miles trip by road across the country…
You have a destination you are prepared to reach. Yet you may have to stop to remove obstacles on your path. You may even have to take a bypass to avoid obstructions due to collapsed trucks. It may just be the vehicle that needs a check up. But what ever it is…
But the journey continues!
That is exactly how you have to treat your marriage. So many resolvable family problems have led to divorce because no one had a decision to be flexible and expect the unexpected.
Every time there is a love-threatening issue in your marriage, do not react... just respond based on what is best for your relationship. You will look back and be happy if you handle your marriage problems this way.
2. Am I willing to forbid a Possible Marriage Exit?
The success of your marriage requires a mentality of I-have-no-option-but-to-make-this-marriage-work.
You may have dreamt of a perfect marriage with a perfect spouse ... a marriage with no pains… only happiness, comfort, trust, care, frequent love picnics, going surfing every Saturday morning together and so on.
While it is possible to experience most of these in your marriage, it will be ridiculous to think that they will happen all the time. Every marriage has its not-too-good times.
When such times come, the only reinforcement to happiness is your character- built decision to stay it through.
3. Am I willing To Forgive Always?
One of the easiest ways to keep trouble away from your marriage is a strong decision to forgive. This is a very difficult thing to do especially if you have special rules and expectations.
But let me ask you? Which one do you prefer- an unsettled life of scolding your spouse for breaking your rules? …or a fun-filled life of overlooking mistakes… knowing that your spouse is only human?
When you understand that you don’t need a perfect spouse to enjoy an outstanding love marriage life, you will find it easier to forgive your spouse –even before the mistake arises. Believe me… your spouse will love and respect you even more and will learn to do the same.
4. Am I ready to make our love relationship a priority?
You can easily improve the quality of your love life when you set your relationship as a major priority. Yes… you have kids you love. But the well being and future of your kids are a function of your healthy marriage relationship with your spouse.
Your time… your talent… your ambitions… they will only be maximized if your love relationship with your spouse is in great condition. You need to nurture your marriage like a baby.
The good news is that it’s never too late to make marriage amendments. As long as you are willing you can provoke the willingness of your spouse and settle down to make it work.
What you can help each other to achieve in a healthy love marriage relationship can never be achieved in a loveless marriage.
5. Am I willing to be Open to My Spouse?
Openness is a marriage requirement that must be met to keep relationship problems away. Your spouse will always need to understand you to maintain trust and confidence in you.
Even if you make a mistake or do something that annoys your spouse, your openness will compel him to communicate his or her feelings to you rather than allowing it to affect the love and intimacy both of you share.
Lack of marriage communication is one major cause of bad marriages and it can simply be avoided when both partners share their feelings freely, no matter who hurts who.
You will most certainly get what you give in your relationship. So give openness to your spouse and you will receive much more from him or her. Marriage doesn’t change who we are but only reveals who we are.
The powerful tool for change is decision and making a decision to be open to your spouse will not only guarantee a healthy marriage but also a happy and productive life.
My fingers are beginning to itch. I will post a part II containing the other love marriage requirements tomorrow. Cheers.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
How To Develop True Love-Marriage Relationship
A bad marriage can be a result of the misunderstanding of the true meaning of love in marriage. If you desire to turn a bad marriage into a good one, you will have to understand the strong connection between love relationship and marriage.
I stumbled into a poem while reading a book recently. Jerry and Barbara Cook's understanding of love in marriage reflects extensively in this poem they wrote... and confirms the reason for the happiness they enjoy in their love-filled marriage.
Choosing To Love
I married a man I respect,
I have no need to bow and defer.
I married a man I adore and admire,
I don't need to be handed a list entitled
"How to Build His Ego"
or " The Male Need For Affirmation."
Love, worship, loyalty and trust-these are inside me.
They motivate my actions.
To reduce them to rules destroys my motivation.
I choose to serve him to enjoy him.
We choose to live together and grow together,
to stretch our capacities for love even when it hurts
and looks like conflict.
We choose to learn to know each other as real people,
as two unique individuals unlike any other two.
Our marriage is a commitment to love,
to belong to each other
to know and understand care
to share ourselves our goals, intrests, desires needs
Out of that commitment, the actions follow.
Love defines our behavior and our way of living together.
And since we fail to meet not only the demands
of standards but also the simple requirements of love,
We are forced to believe in forgiveness
...and grace.
- Jerry and Barbara Cook
If you are willing to put in some effort to eliminate your bad marriage, you should consider reading this poem 3 times a day for the next one week. Relate personally to the thoughts of the writers.
Then,identify what personal qualities you need to bring into your marriage to develop a system that will improve your love relationship with your spouse.
Just like you, I want your bad marriage fixed.Cheers.
To Make up with your spouse get this book
I stumbled into a poem while reading a book recently. Jerry and Barbara Cook's understanding of love in marriage reflects extensively in this poem they wrote... and confirms the reason for the happiness they enjoy in their love-filled marriage.
Choosing To Love
I married a man I respect,
I have no need to bow and defer.
I married a man I adore and admire,
I don't need to be handed a list entitled
"How to Build His Ego"
or " The Male Need For Affirmation."
Love, worship, loyalty and trust-these are inside me.
They motivate my actions.
To reduce them to rules destroys my motivation.
I choose to serve him to enjoy him.
We choose to live together and grow together,
to stretch our capacities for love even when it hurts
and looks like conflict.
We choose to learn to know each other as real people,
as two unique individuals unlike any other two.
Our marriage is a commitment to love,
to belong to each other
to know and understand care
to share ourselves our goals, intrests, desires needs
Out of that commitment, the actions follow.
Love defines our behavior and our way of living together.
And since we fail to meet not only the demands
of standards but also the simple requirements of love,
We are forced to believe in forgiveness
...and grace.
- Jerry and Barbara Cook
If you are willing to put in some effort to eliminate your bad marriage, you should consider reading this poem 3 times a day for the next one week. Relate personally to the thoughts of the writers.
Then,identify what personal qualities you need to bring into your marriage to develop a system that will improve your love relationship with your spouse.
Just like you, I want your bad marriage fixed.Cheers.
To Make up with your spouse get this book
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Handling Infidelity problems in Marriage
One of the commonest causes of after-marriage problems is infidelity. When you consider the speed at which couples drift emotionally apart after the unfaithfulness in a marriage, you will realize how serious the issue of infidelity is.
Ken and Judith swore to be faithful to each other in their highly esteemed marriage. As a matter of fact they spent a lot of time with each other before marriage. Judith felt she knew her spouse so well and long enough that she could bet her life on his faithfulness.
But a few months after marriage, a strange woman came along that her spouse couldn’t resist. The infidelity game started.
First, she began to notice strange signs. But she still couldn’t get herself to believe that her strange fears could be true… at least not after a few weeks of marriage!
Then one day, she came from work rushing to their bedroom to grab a well-deserved rest, only to find her husband in bed with someone else… on their family marriage bed!
‘No… this can’t be my husband’ she muttered to herself as she stepped backwards, rushing right into the street not knowing where to go or who to talk to.
Three months later, she still can’t fix an explanation for that terrible incident in their marriage… an incident that has drilled a sore into your heart.
May be that perfectly describes your troubled marriage… or may even be worse. Or you as a husband experienced infidelity from your wife. It’s really very hard to keep those painful memories away. But there can be healing for your broken heart.
Depending on how well you and your spouse handle this marriage problem, there are 3 major likely consequences.
• Divorce –the most painful and worst consequence
• Trial Separation- If the aggrieved spouse is uncertain about the future of the marriage
• Healing through a process of building lost trust - the best solution.
These are some steps you may consider taking to bring love back to this marriage:
Ask yourself the basic question: Is your love relationship worth considering a solution to this marriage problem?
You can answer this question by attempting to list the great qualities you have come to love in your marriage partner.
If you find out you actually adore some great qualities in your spouse, then try to talk things over with him or her. Find out how repentant your spouse is and how willing he or she is to avoid this terrible threat in the future.
In case you cannot handle this marriage amendment alone you may seek the help of a marriage counselor or your pastor (if you are a Christian).
A willingness to forgive may save your marriage, your happiness and that of your love life.
If you appear too wounded to seek a solution using the above approach, a good marriage fitness program is a very good alternative. Things may not be as bad as they appear to be at the moment.
Also, bad marriage problems can be reduced to solvable ones if you allow time and questions to open your eyes to a bigger picture. That is how a good marriage therapy will help solve infidelity problems in marriage.
Ken and Judith swore to be faithful to each other in their highly esteemed marriage. As a matter of fact they spent a lot of time with each other before marriage. Judith felt she knew her spouse so well and long enough that she could bet her life on his faithfulness.
But a few months after marriage, a strange woman came along that her spouse couldn’t resist. The infidelity game started.
First, she began to notice strange signs. But she still couldn’t get herself to believe that her strange fears could be true… at least not after a few weeks of marriage!
Then one day, she came from work rushing to their bedroom to grab a well-deserved rest, only to find her husband in bed with someone else… on their family marriage bed!
‘No… this can’t be my husband’ she muttered to herself as she stepped backwards, rushing right into the street not knowing where to go or who to talk to.
Three months later, she still can’t fix an explanation for that terrible incident in their marriage… an incident that has drilled a sore into your heart.
May be that perfectly describes your troubled marriage… or may even be worse. Or you as a husband experienced infidelity from your wife. It’s really very hard to keep those painful memories away. But there can be healing for your broken heart.
Depending on how well you and your spouse handle this marriage problem, there are 3 major likely consequences.
• Divorce –the most painful and worst consequence
• Trial Separation- If the aggrieved spouse is uncertain about the future of the marriage
• Healing through a process of building lost trust - the best solution.
These are some steps you may consider taking to bring love back to this marriage:
Ask yourself the basic question: Is your love relationship worth considering a solution to this marriage problem?
You can answer this question by attempting to list the great qualities you have come to love in your marriage partner.
If you find out you actually adore some great qualities in your spouse, then try to talk things over with him or her. Find out how repentant your spouse is and how willing he or she is to avoid this terrible threat in the future.
In case you cannot handle this marriage amendment alone you may seek the help of a marriage counselor or your pastor (if you are a Christian).
A willingness to forgive may save your marriage, your happiness and that of your love life.
If you appear too wounded to seek a solution using the above approach, a good marriage fitness program is a very good alternative. Things may not be as bad as they appear to be at the moment.
Also, bad marriage problems can be reduced to solvable ones if you allow time and questions to open your eyes to a bigger picture. That is how a good marriage therapy will help solve infidelity problems in marriage.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Practical solutions to a Sexless Marriage
Are you in a sexless marriage? …a marriage which with challenges of impotence and infertility, differences in sexual desires, and all unresolved sex-related issues in marriage?
Sexless marriage may pose a very serious issue depending on the individual marriage rules that the husband and wife have set for their marriage. To save this sort marriage the willingness of both parties to work together is a must.
There are vital questions you may need to answer in order to fashion how best to help the marriage.
Sexless marriage resulting from impotence:
Is it a treatable one or untreatable?
What lead to it?
Was it natural or a consequence of unsafe past actions? Have you seen an expert on the issue?
How big do both parties consider the problem to be?
Sexless marriage resulting from infertility:
What is the root cause of the infertility?
Was it abortion, sickness, natural occurrence?
Have you spoken to a gynecologist?
How concerned are both partners in fixing this marriage problem?
For Other sexless marriage problems without illness:
You may consider asking yourself…
Do you still love each other?
If no, what could be responsible?
Do you and your spouse anticipate sex time with feelings of pleasure?
Or does it produce feelings of pressure, obligation or guilt?
How do you and your partner enjoy sex?
If either one or both of you are left with negative feelings about your sex life, then consider finding out why.
You and your partner may just have a little disparity in sexual needs. If that is the case, all you need is to sit with your spouse and talk it over. I strongly believe that this alone can end the bad marriage problem.
But if the difference is very large, it can be a major threat to the relationship. The one with a lower desire often feels pressure to do something he or she doesn’t want to do. It eventually leads to resentment, hatred and further lack of interest for sex.
On the other hand, the partner with the higher sexual desire feel rejected, unloved, frustrated and desperate. This creates an uneasy gap that threatens the love and joy in that marriage.
However there are two suggestions I would offer to those with substantial level of disparity in sexual desires:
First, the one with a lower sexual desire may explore other options to satisfying his or her spouse other than sexual intercourse. This will avoid forcing the partner with the lower sexual desire against his or her wish.
If the above doesn’t work, it may be that the problem has persisted for too long. Therefore I would suggest the services of a marriage therapist.
There are time-tested marriage therapists and counselors that are experts in this area. They will work with you and your spouse to find a solution. However, before you pay anyone to help you out make sure you research on them. Not everyone who claims expertise can actually help.
In the next few days I will be suggesting some well researched authorities in the field of marriage therapy. Be sure to visit blog to know them. And always remember that most bad marriages can be fixed and so will yours.
To the saving of your marriage! Cheers.
Sexless marriage may pose a very serious issue depending on the individual marriage rules that the husband and wife have set for their marriage. To save this sort marriage the willingness of both parties to work together is a must.
There are vital questions you may need to answer in order to fashion how best to help the marriage.
Sexless marriage resulting from impotence:
Is it a treatable one or untreatable?
What lead to it?
Was it natural or a consequence of unsafe past actions? Have you seen an expert on the issue?
How big do both parties consider the problem to be?
Sexless marriage resulting from infertility:
What is the root cause of the infertility?
Was it abortion, sickness, natural occurrence?
Have you spoken to a gynecologist?
How concerned are both partners in fixing this marriage problem?
For Other sexless marriage problems without illness:
You may consider asking yourself…
Do you still love each other?
If no, what could be responsible?
Do you and your spouse anticipate sex time with feelings of pleasure?
Or does it produce feelings of pressure, obligation or guilt?
How do you and your partner enjoy sex?
If either one or both of you are left with negative feelings about your sex life, then consider finding out why.
You and your partner may just have a little disparity in sexual needs. If that is the case, all you need is to sit with your spouse and talk it over. I strongly believe that this alone can end the bad marriage problem.
But if the difference is very large, it can be a major threat to the relationship. The one with a lower desire often feels pressure to do something he or she doesn’t want to do. It eventually leads to resentment, hatred and further lack of interest for sex.
On the other hand, the partner with the higher sexual desire feel rejected, unloved, frustrated and desperate. This creates an uneasy gap that threatens the love and joy in that marriage.
However there are two suggestions I would offer to those with substantial level of disparity in sexual desires:
First, the one with a lower sexual desire may explore other options to satisfying his or her spouse other than sexual intercourse. This will avoid forcing the partner with the lower sexual desire against his or her wish.
If the above doesn’t work, it may be that the problem has persisted for too long. Therefore I would suggest the services of a marriage therapist.
There are time-tested marriage therapists and counselors that are experts in this area. They will work with you and your spouse to find a solution. However, before you pay anyone to help you out make sure you research on them. Not everyone who claims expertise can actually help.
In the next few days I will be suggesting some well researched authorities in the field of marriage therapy. Be sure to visit blog to know them. And always remember that most bad marriages can be fixed and so will yours.
To the saving of your marriage! Cheers.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
FIX YOUR BAD MARRIAGE… GUARANTEED!
Are you in a Bad marriage?
Have you lost all those wonderful feelings you once had in your marriage? Are you already saying, ‘this is how far I can go in this bad marriage’? Or may be you are wondering if you were blind when you said ‘I do’?
I really share your pain and that of thousands of couples around the globe who are living through bad marriages.
But have you considered… if the ‘bad’ in your ‘bad marriage’ could be removed without ‘killing’ the marriage?
It may sound funny but that’s the good news… YOUR BAD MARRIAGE CAN BE SAVED. You can save your troubled marriage from extinction and bring true love back!
After personally watching a bad marriage of twenty-four years turn into a happy one, I can assure you that any bad marriage can be saved from divorce. But that will pretty much depend on you and your spouse. Most especially you.
You have the ultimate responsibility to take action. Your wedding ceremony may have demanded just one ‘I do’. But your marriage will demand a daily ‘I do’ to survive.
Bad marriage help suggestions and tips on this site are a product of real marriage experiences. They’ve been tested for years and found to be powerful and change provoking.
You may carefully navigate through this site. Read the articles and apply the suggestions to your marriage. Then watch for surprise changes in your marriage. You can save that bad marriage and fix-your-bad-marriage is willing to help you do so.
Have you lost all those wonderful feelings you once had in your marriage? Are you already saying, ‘this is how far I can go in this bad marriage’? Or may be you are wondering if you were blind when you said ‘I do’?
I really share your pain and that of thousands of couples around the globe who are living through bad marriages.
But have you considered… if the ‘bad’ in your ‘bad marriage’ could be removed without ‘killing’ the marriage?
It may sound funny but that’s the good news… YOUR BAD MARRIAGE CAN BE SAVED. You can save your troubled marriage from extinction and bring true love back!
After personally watching a bad marriage of twenty-four years turn into a happy one, I can assure you that any bad marriage can be saved from divorce. But that will pretty much depend on you and your spouse. Most especially you.
You have the ultimate responsibility to take action. Your wedding ceremony may have demanded just one ‘I do’. But your marriage will demand a daily ‘I do’ to survive.
Bad marriage help suggestions and tips on this site are a product of real marriage experiences. They’ve been tested for years and found to be powerful and change provoking.
You may carefully navigate through this site. Read the articles and apply the suggestions to your marriage. Then watch for surprise changes in your marriage. You can save that bad marriage and fix-your-bad-marriage is willing to help you do so.
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