Yes… let’s try to answer this question:
Is marriage about spending time with each other?
Trust me that one of the reasons you may experiencing a troubled marriage is that you and your spouse hardly spend enough time together, alone. This cannot be over-emphasized. Marriage is indeed about spending quality time with each other.
Look, couples erroneously think that they got married because they have already understood their spouse. So after they’re married they allow ‘work’ and other cares steal their time away from their spouse. The love , happiness and friendship you and your spouse shared with each other is only a fraction of the awesome measure that is available in marriage. As matter of fact, marriage is when you should enjoy and explore it more.
Marriage is indeed about spending quality time with each other to build love, happiness, friendship and intimacy. There are things you share together alone that you can’t find when you’re with your children, your other family members, or your friends. And when you don’t share those things alone, you can’t share them genuinely around other people either.
Those things are the warmth that you originally shared between each other, and the ‘spark’ in your very presence alone with each other, which before marriage, was so very tempting.
To help you spend more time together, one thing you should do is to go out together. Visit some of those places you used to go to before your marriage. It could be an eatery, a particular spot, or recreation centre. It is highly recommended that you go back to the exact love spots or hideouts you used to visit to get more of each other before you get married, if it is not so far away from home. But barring whatever distance, it is worth the effort. If works like magic!
Also, if there are games you used to enjoy playing together, prior to your marriage, include them in your weekly schedule. If there was none, become creative and find time to get cocky with your spouse. If you are the ‘serious’ type who look upon games and playfulness as ‘immature,’ please think again. These could be the key to you marital bliss.
In addition, find time to cook together even if it’s just once in a week. It could become something you both look forward to every week. And if you already have kids they could join in. One benefit of cooking together is that if gives you time to discuss issues that have to do with ‘Junior’s school bag,’ ‘Sandra’s hair,’ or a new cupboard for the bedroom! You may never discuss such things in front of a television set or anywhere else. You really come ‘home’ when you’re in the kitchen.
Another benefit of spending more time together is that it makes spouses to develop improved personal care, especially when he or she knows you’ll be watching keenly. The very idea of spending time together encourages both spouses to pay extra care to looking good and smelling fragrant.
In addition, spending time together provides a durable listening platform. Everybody wants to be listened to. Listening here involves a lot more then just hearing. When you’re listening to your spouse, attend to the information you receive from him or her, make some sense of it.
This will inevitably provide you with a basis for responding effectively to the information you just received. You may never imagine how far one good thing you say or do at that opportune time will go in making your marriage last forever.
No matter what you think you need to agree with this simple fact: Marriage is about spending time with each other
Saturday, November 1, 2008
3 Simple Steps to Effective Communication In Marriage
Communication in marriage is the major factor that determines the direction a marriage goes. If the husband and the wife can just learn what it takes to effectively communicate with each other it becomes very easy for them to whether the storms of trying times. This article was designated to help you win by effective communication in marriage.
One of the easiest ways to save a troubled marriage through effective communication is for the couple to practice listening more to each other. Before marriage, listening was the magnet, pulling them together, or at least, pretending to be listening did that.
It is funny most married couples think they can survive without connecting through listening. Think about it… there were other men and women in the world but they decided to listen to each other - to listen to their eyes, their caring gestures, their heart, and their love.
Even people pretending to do these often succeed in wooing their object of attraction. Issues with their kids can also be solved this way too; by listening and reacting proactively to their needs. If you don’t like your lovemaking for instance, talk about it and discuss how to do it better.
Looking for satisfaction elsewhere makes you picture your ‘deficient’ spouse as inadequate, which is dangerous to the survival of your marriage. If you don’t like the food, talk about it gently, and agree on changes. If you don’t like the house, make it better together. If money is the challenge, work out ways for more prudent spending, and possibly ways to make more.
Second, practice selflessness to save your marriage. Someone once said that the true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade we do not expect to sit. Do not think that your husband or wife would always make you happy. It seldom works that way. Rather concentrate on making your spouse happy. Before you married him/her you did those types of things; so now, do them even more. When you do, you are also teaching him/her to do the same to you.
Give it some time… it always works. Avoid selfishness by thinking too much about yourself. It may be true that you have not been loved much. Still concentrate on giving more than you receive. You will find a joy you never thought possible in doing so. And don’t you go discussing your marital issues with your friends!
Third, practice discussing. This should have perhaps been my first point but if serves a better purpose here. Tell you why. One thing that makes marriages happy is that the couples are always discussing – even when they are annoyed at each other. Talking to each other is a rewarding way to save your marriage and make it better.
It’s pathetic when a spouse thinks he or she can better the marriage by first seeking his or her friends’ opinion. This is cowardice, rather than love. Love is bold, and love is powerful. Some of those people outside whose opinions you respect above your spouse’s mock you secretly when you discuss your marital problems with them. They may also have been secretly admiring your marriage, waiting for a crack in your marital wall, which you show them by going for their opinion.
Subsequently, they drag you into their own sinking ship, one you may not have known about. Don’t play the fool, husbands! Neither should you, wives!
Sometimes it may feel awkward to discuss problems in your marriage, especially if you had not been doing so previously. But how can you be perfect without practice? If you continue on the road of dialogue, it would become second nature such that you would build effective communication in marriage on this solid foundation in order to gallantly weather all storms.
One of the easiest ways to save a troubled marriage through effective communication is for the couple to practice listening more to each other. Before marriage, listening was the magnet, pulling them together, or at least, pretending to be listening did that.
It is funny most married couples think they can survive without connecting through listening. Think about it… there were other men and women in the world but they decided to listen to each other - to listen to their eyes, their caring gestures, their heart, and their love.
Even people pretending to do these often succeed in wooing their object of attraction. Issues with their kids can also be solved this way too; by listening and reacting proactively to their needs. If you don’t like your lovemaking for instance, talk about it and discuss how to do it better.
Looking for satisfaction elsewhere makes you picture your ‘deficient’ spouse as inadequate, which is dangerous to the survival of your marriage. If you don’t like the food, talk about it gently, and agree on changes. If you don’t like the house, make it better together. If money is the challenge, work out ways for more prudent spending, and possibly ways to make more.
Second, practice selflessness to save your marriage. Someone once said that the true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade we do not expect to sit. Do not think that your husband or wife would always make you happy. It seldom works that way. Rather concentrate on making your spouse happy. Before you married him/her you did those types of things; so now, do them even more. When you do, you are also teaching him/her to do the same to you.
Give it some time… it always works. Avoid selfishness by thinking too much about yourself. It may be true that you have not been loved much. Still concentrate on giving more than you receive. You will find a joy you never thought possible in doing so. And don’t you go discussing your marital issues with your friends!
Third, practice discussing. This should have perhaps been my first point but if serves a better purpose here. Tell you why. One thing that makes marriages happy is that the couples are always discussing – even when they are annoyed at each other. Talking to each other is a rewarding way to save your marriage and make it better.
It’s pathetic when a spouse thinks he or she can better the marriage by first seeking his or her friends’ opinion. This is cowardice, rather than love. Love is bold, and love is powerful. Some of those people outside whose opinions you respect above your spouse’s mock you secretly when you discuss your marital problems with them. They may also have been secretly admiring your marriage, waiting for a crack in your marital wall, which you show them by going for their opinion.
Subsequently, they drag you into their own sinking ship, one you may not have known about. Don’t play the fool, husbands! Neither should you, wives!
Sometimes it may feel awkward to discuss problems in your marriage, especially if you had not been doing so previously. But how can you be perfect without practice? If you continue on the road of dialogue, it would become second nature such that you would build effective communication in marriage on this solid foundation in order to gallantly weather all storms.
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